Batman loves Joker
by xxBEjrtnfTHxx
Summary: Joker kidnaps Hannah Montana and takes her place at her concert. Batman being a huge Hannah Montana fan is at the concert and recognizes the Joker. He finds the Joker backstage and admits his feelings for the Joker. One-shot Batman/Joker. R


**Disclaimers: I don't own Hannah Montana, Batman or Joker (unfortunately), so please don't sue! :D**

**_Authors Note: _**_Sorry if this story offends anyone! I love Heath Ledger and Joker and I would never purposely offend them. I don't really like Batman but I wasn't trying to offend him either. I would just like to say a special thanks to Melinda for helping me write this...so...thank you, Melinda!_

_And here...we...go...  
_

**Xxx****Joker**** and ****Batman**** xxx**

Hannah Montana was in her dressing room when two big guys came in and grabbed her. The Joker strolled into the room with a huge grin on his face.

"W-what do you want?" Hannah stuttered.

"How about a magic trick?" Joker asked, pulling out a freshly sharpened pencil and sticking it into the table.

"Ooh! I looove magic tricks!" Hannah squealed, lightening up.

"Come here, I'll need your assistance. I'm gonna make this pencil...disappear."

Hannah bounded over to Joker and just as she reached him, he moved to the side and slammed her face into the pencil. The pencil slid right into her eye and she screamed and fell to the ground.

"Tada! It's...gone!" Joker exclaimed. Hannah grabbed the pencil and yanked it out of her eye. Unfortunately for her, her eyeball came out on the end of the pencil. Eye juice and a hint of blood spewed out of her now empty eye socket and all over the floor. The Joker laughed in amusement as he watched her writhe and shout in agony.

Joker signalled to his thugs who then marched over to Hannah and hauled her off the ground and carried her out of the building and into the back of a van.

The Joker wandered around the room grabbed a spare wig and Hannah Monatana clothes and put them on, giggling quietly to himself as he did so.

oOoOo XxXxXxXxX oOoOo

Batman was standing amongst the crowd waiting impatiently for his favourite star to come onstage. He was dressed in a Hannah Monatana T-shirt and sparkly Hannah Montana jeans which he found in Target. He was also wearing a long blonde wig over the top of his batman mask. He was holding a handmade sign which read: LuV Ya HaNnAh MoNtAnA!!

He checked his watch again. It read 9:50pm. Hannah was 20 minutes late for her show and Batman was starting to get annoyed.

Suddenly the big red curtains opened on stage and out walked Hannah Montana. Batman frowned. That didn't look like Hannah Monatana...

oOoOo XxXxXxXxX oOoOo

The Joker strutted onto the stage- followed by his thugs -waving and blowing kisses at random fans in the crowd. He flicked his long blonde hair over his shoulder as he reached the microphone.

He cleared his throat and licked his lips.

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen," he spoke. "We are...tonight's entertainment. I only have one song to sing. That is: _The best of both worlds. _

The music started and the Joker began waggling his hips in time with the beat and his thugs were dancing in the background. The Joker started to sing and the crowd cheered.

oOoOo XxXxXxXxX oOoOo

Batman stared suspiciously at 'Hannah Montana'. He knew that that certainly wasn't the _real _Hannah, and was trying to figure out where he had seen that make-up smeared face before. Was it on the episode of _Tellytubbies _that he watched the other day? No. Neighbours? No. Circus? No. Crazy Clarks ad? No. Wait! Of course! It's (sigh) the Joker, Clown Prince of Crime!

oOoOo XxXxXxXxX oOoOo

"It's the best of both worlds!" Joker sang, perfectly in tune. He scanned the crowd as he was singing and came across a fan dressed in Hannah Montana clothes and a blonde wig. The fan was also wearing a Batman mask. The Joker narrowed his eyes. Where had he seen that chin before? Was he a chin model? No. Circus? No. That episode of _Tellytubbies_ he watched the other day? No. Wait! Of course! It's Batman! The flying rodent!

_I didn't know that Batman was a Hannah Montana fan._ Joker thought to himself.

The song finished and the crowd erupted into a roar of excitement. Joker and his thugs made a low bow. Then the Joker stepped back up to the microphone.

"I have an announcement to make, good citizens of Gotham. I'm not the real Hannah Montana." The Joker said, taking off his wig and patting down his hair. The crowd gasped.

"Tonight you're all going to be part of a social experiment. Somewhere in this room is a detonator which has two buttons on it. One button will blow up your beloved Hannah Montana. The other...will blow up a random building in Gotham. I'm gonna give you until 11pm tonight to make your decision. If you don't blow one up by that time, I'll blow them both up. So what's it going to be? Glamorous superstar Hannah Montana or random building? It's your choice." He declared, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He walked off stage, wobbling a little in his high heels. There were frightened murmurs coming from the Hannah Montana fans.

oOoOo XxXxXxXxX oOoOo

Batman pushed his way through the crowd and made his way backstage, where he found the Joker in Hannah Montana's dressing room, laughing hysterically. Batman stalked up to him and grabbed him by the shirt.

The Joker's laughter died down, but he still had a huge grin on his face.

"Gee, and I thought _my_ outfit was bad." He stated, looking Batman up and down.

"Where is she?!" Batman demanded, ignoring Joker's comment.

"Killing is making a choice," Joker replied simply, and Batman punched him in the face.

"Choose between one life or a building. The glamorous superstar Hannah Montana or a random building in Gotham."

Batman punched him again and Joker laughed his high-pitched cackle.

Suddenly they both heard a soft _boom_ in the distance. The detonator in Joker's pocket beeped and he pulled it out. The first button was flashing.

"They killed Hannah." Joker declared with a smile, and Batman gasped.

"W-what?" he stuttered, a single tear running down his cheek. Joker laughed when he saw Batman crying. Batman wailed and wailed, tears streaming down his cheeks.

**5 minutes later**

Batman was sitting on the floor bawling, his arms wrapped around his legs.

"You can, uh, stop crying now. It's getting annoying." Joker said.

"But I loved her so much! And another person I love deep, deep down is...is right here in this room!" Batman sniffed, getting up off the floor.

Joker's eyes widened.

"D-Dopey?" he asked, turning towards Dopey, who was picking his nose.

"No, silly!" Batman laughed. "I love _you_!"

Joker's mouth fell open.

"Y-you L-L-Love...what?"

"I love you, Joker! I know it could never work, b-but I mean we could try, right?" Batman asked, moving towards Joker, putting a hand on his arm.

Joker was frozen in shock for a moment, and when he realized what was going on, he jumped back, raising his hands.

"Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!" he shouted, backing away.

"But don't you see? This is how it's meant to be! Both of us together forever!"

Joker's thugs burst out laughing. Joker had backed into a wall and had no escape from the approaching Batman.

"I don't think so, Batsy!" he said, starting to panic.

"But it'd be wonderful! We'd get married, live on the beachfront, and go for romantic walks in the moonlight."

"Do you wanna know how I got these scars?" Joker asked, pulling out his knife.

"So I had a wife...a _wife, _beautiful, like...me...who tells me I worry too much. Who tells me I need to smile more. Who gambles, and gets in deep with the sharks. One day they carve her face, and we have no money for surgeries. She can't take it! I just want to see her smile again. I just want her to know that I don't care about the scars! So I stick a razor in my mouth, and do this...to myself. And you know what? She can't stand the sight of me! She leaves. But, now I see the funny side. Now I'm always smiling!"

Batman had tears in his eyes.

"It's so beautiful!" he cried. Joker frowned.

"No it's not. _No _it's not-uh."

"Yes it is! It's true love! Look into your heart and you'll find the love. Your love. For me."

Joker was silent for a moment. Then he plunged his knife into Batman's shoulder.

"Does this seem like _love _to you, Batsy? Hmm?" Joker hissed, twisting the knife around.

"You're just letting out all of your anger and frustration. Because you've been holding in the secret for so long."

"What secret?"

"That you're gay!"

Dopey turned on the radio and the song _Forever _by Chris Brown started playing.

Batman got down on his knee and started singing it to the Joker.

"W-what are you _doing_?" asked the Joker. Batman didn't answer. Joker grabbed the radio and bashed it on Batman's head several times. The song cut off and Batman fell unconscious.

Joker sighed in relief and dropped the radio. He stepped over Batman and walked out of the room.

Boy was he glad _that_ was over!

**The End!**

**I looooove reviews...I just thought i should mention that. :D THANKS FOR READING!**


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